June 2012
3 posts
Alsoooooo I have a Vancity crewneck from him: sooo after school one day my brother come up to where I’m sitting on the bench waiting for the bus alone. He’s like do ou want this holding up the sweater. I’m like yes!! Where’d you get it an he’s like it’s Jacky’s. I’m like Ohh and my bro calls him and is like how much do you want for it and he come up...
Ok so on Monday I was walking to history and he was at his locker and he stared at me like crazy and also after we came out stared again. And Wednesday I was coming out of law and he was walking and stared!! And then today I was walking to my English class cuz I was at the school store working and it was the long stairway leading to the south and I saw him and his friend walking up but I just...
April 2012
8 posts
I don’t fuckimg get why it’s so wrong of me to get the same headphones. Bra got the same ones too and she says no shit about it. Im fuckimg sick of this. Why am I getting the lowerhand. Wtf those fuckers. I feel ganged up on honestly. This is another level of bullshit. Wow pretty pissed here. And it’s not like she doesn’t copy from me. The fucking anorak, the fucking...
The feeling I get wherever he’mad is indescribable. It’s as If my whole body has gone into shock. I stiffen up and feel the tenseness of the atmosphere inside of me. As if my heart has stopped beating
My mood is up and down up and fucking down. Wtf I can’t be fucking content. Even when I try and think I’m happy, my mood falls apart.
Every time I look into the mirror, I see a lost little girl looking back at me, with searching eyes. As if she’s lost her mom, her way back. There’s so much sadness in her eyes. So much hurt and pain. It overwhelms me. She just looks back at me. And I can’t do anything for her. I just stare back, not knowing what to do. How to comfort her. How to touch her. She cries and I feel...
In a moment, I could be gone. Away from this cruel world and sad people. I could slip into sleep and never wake up. It’s so simple. There’s nothing holding me back from just leaving. Everything’s so fragile. At any moment. It could all just disappear and be gone forever..
Fucked up life fucked up mind
So it has come down to the final moments. Sadly, the schools I don’t have any interests in are my last hope. Why does the world have to be like this. It makes me sadder that I can only have options of the things I hate. Why do we live so fast? Why can’t we all just reflect sometimes and take a breather. There’s too many problems. I can’t take this.. With one letter, your...
I just need someone to tell me it’ll somehow work out. Someone comfort me I need to talk and sort this out. I feel so small. Help
March 2012
17 posts
I tend to make forts or walls on my bed when I feel intensely destroyed. I feel protected and sheltered from the horribleness of the world.
i need a mutual friend who is as deep as me and as troubled. someone who wont try to come up with excuses when im sad. i just need someone who wont try to give me advice or tell me everythings gonna be fine. ive heard it all before. i just need someone who will listen and cry with me. be a shoulder. someone who feels the pain as me. who doesnt feel sorry for me but someone who feels it with me.
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– i have periods of time where i just need to be left alone. this is common for me. it happens when i feel so useless and helpless that all that could save me is me. i need to refuel and recollect my priorities. its hard to understand to many people, but i crave solitude.
okay so i have a problem. i hate when people get mad because i dont wanna meet up or i wanna spend time alone. seriously? just chill the fuck out. i need air. leave me alone for awhile. im so fucked up and being around people clearly dont help. so i just want to be alone. why cant people get that. im just so tired. i just want to live by myself at the moment. so please dont be pissed at me....
I have a problem of forcing things to happen. Why can’t I just wait and be patient… I should keep in mind that it’ll happen if its meant to be. Cheesy as that sounds, it’s right. You just gotta put yourself out there and hope to be recognized.
I just feel so screwed up all the time
I know if I don’t say this now, I’ll regret it.
So you were the first person I felt comfortable with. I could be myself and the silences weren’t awkward. But somehow, I managed to push you away. And I’m sorry. Because I know that we had a great friendship. I still don’t know what happened between us but I guess we should be moving on. Truth is, I’ve kinda...
People say I’m an all rounded person. But the truth is, I’m really not. Yes, I befriend many people. But I think its just because I’m just searching for someone who is right for me. I’ve never found one who understands me. Everyone sees me as a happy go lucky person. They ask me why I’m always smiling. They see me as that. That’s my image. But I’m only...
I don’t understand why I have a craving to stand out. It bothers me that I love attention. I love the eyes on me. I try extra hard to be seen by others. I’ve made myself believe that being normal is the worst thing one could be. Its boring and a cliche. I constantly wear radical clothes, pretty my face and hair… But I don’t think its me. I don’t think any of what I do...
I can’t help but think that every one of us are merely props in the world. We try to believe that each one of us are special and different.. But looking at the big picture now, I’ve come to realize that we all get replaced by the exact same prop. There’s nothing special about us. We live and die but the world never runs out.
I’m so sick of pretending all the time. I’m so sick of being so lonely. I hate the fact that I cover myself up. Make up has strangely become an essential item for me. It makes me sick that I need it. Whenever I take the bullshit off and look at myself, I see the age and ugliness staring back at me. And the clothes I wear. Why do I wear them. What’s the fucking point. Why do I...
I still haven’t figured out why I always end up pushing everyone away. I’m so weird.. I ruin all relationships, which in the end.. ruin myself. It’s depressing… the life I live in.
Sometimes I just feel so lost.. Its such a weird feeling.. I tend to lose myself from time to time. Where I would block everything and everyone out of my life for a while. A time out from reality. I become so out of touch that I can feel myself fading away. After awhile though, I manage to always pull myself back to the real world. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stay in the numbness...
I find it so stupid when people ask me “are you mad at me”
Seriously, so what if I am. WTF am I gonna say to that..
“I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just...”
– (via revolutioneyes) 